Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Facebook memories. You know how it goes. You get the notification , “One year ago today!!!” Click and there it is. Your ex friend that you once shared your best memes with. Now you might not even pour water on them if they were on fire. Or maybe it’s not that serious. Perhaps you think “huh I should message them,” then don’t. There is a small study that says if a friendship lasts longer than seven years you’ll have that friendship forever. The idea of companionship platonic or romantic is appealing. People put countless hours and sometimes money into finding their tribe. So what is it? Why do people have such a hard time finding, keeping and being a really good friend up until the seven year mark and beyond?
Well, let’s break down this seven year situation. What’s so special about it? I actually think the answer is nothing. I think seven years simply represents the manifestation of things done in year one of your connection. Year one of your friendship you were a good communicator. That means that during misunderstandings you didn’t brood over hurt feelings and were accountable for your part in the situation. You listened to your friend and didn’t try to over talk them with your own thoughts and opinions. You were also a good confidant even with seemingly insignificant information.
Another thing you can do to be a good friend is to set your own and respect the boundaries of others. Sometimes when you really care about someone you can lose yourself a little bit trying to be there for them. In turn by not respecting their boundaries can smother them. Both these actions have a drowning affect and dampen the relationship. Healthy friendships have space in them. It’s okay for your friend to be offline and unavailable from time to time. It’s also important for you to not over extend yourself. If you don’t care for yourself, how can you care for others?
Finally, I think the most important thing a person can do in year one of a friendship is be themselves. Sometimes when we are faced with someone who we want to accept us we try to hide the part of us that we don’t want them to reject. It’s natural. We want love. We don’t want rejection. However, if you’re not being you, is that your friend? If you’re not showing all of yourself are you even being fair? Be genuine and show new friends who you really are and the ones who are worth all the effort will be around for a very long time.
Written By: Jacqueline Scott | IG: crafty_charisma